Thoughts on apples

sick day

Hello friends!

I am having a sick day today. I didn’t have a story in me, but I had some thoughts I wanted to share.

Everyone wants to grow an apple.

And by that, I mean something completely different.

Mucking about with new charcoal - Astrid Rooke

Everyone has had a moment where they look at a painting, hear a song, read a book, and think “Yes, thats it! I want to do that!” This moment is complete magic. A moment of recognition, a desire for creation. It is a passionate moment, full of bravery and hope. Perhaps a bit of jealousy.

Then we sit down with our pencils and pens, or buy a guitar, and the passion is quickly doused by a cold bucket of reality: creation is difficult. It takes time. You cannot go outside and grow the perfect apple in one afternoon.

What I want to say, is that any artistic pursuit is made up of a thousand tiny moments of quiet work and determination. Sometimes these moments feel like nothing. It is often a little boring. It takes a good deal of discipline and focus to make anything. Projects can take weeks, months, years.

But the secret is this: the apple isn’t the point. If you want to grow the perfect apple, you have to care about apples, and grow a lot of them. And to grow a lot of apples, you need to plant an apple orchard. To have an apple orchard, you must have a quiet plot of land that you tend carefully, religiously. You must visit it every day. You must notice its needs. You must bring it water and fertilizer. You must look after your trees with kindness. You must know when to harvest, and when you wait. You must remember from year to year what worked and what didn’t.

You must also have friends that know how to grow apples, or perhaps pears or tulips. You must have friends who love eating apples with you. You must have people who will help you in the middle of the night when there is an emergency and you need extra hands. And above all, more than any of this, you must find joy in it. It must be the love of your life. It must be an orchard you love to work in.

Will everyone love what you grow? No. But that does not matter, because you love the act of tending your orchard, and you find peace when you walk among the rows, surrounded by the manifestation of your own love. You nurture it, and it nurtures you. And you are at peace.

I know nothing about growing apples. I do know about creating and art, and how the drive to make something good or perfect wears you down to nothing if you let it, until you hate even the thought of making something.

Yes, everyone wants to grow the perfect apple. Everyone wants to sit down and write the perfect book in one go, compose the perfect song in one day, paint the perfect picture effortlessly. But when you pick up a piece of art, what you are seeing is not an accident. It wasn’t a sudden bolt of inspiration on a cloudless day. It is the natural result of someone having planted an orchard ages ago, tended it carefully, quietly, and with endless love.

So make a little corner of the world that you love to be in, tend it faithfully, no matter the weather. It doesn’t need to be art. It doesn’t need to be fancy. It doesn’t need to be forever. It just needs to be something you love. That is how you get the perfect apple.

And with that, I have filled up my first little sketchbook of substack doodles. I am so proud of this project. I have learned so much, grown a few apples, and more importantly: I find peace here.

Thank you for reading!

-Astrid